I dont think anyone realizes how fucking terrified of ants I am.
I try to emphasize it, but no one really can seem to grasp it.

"Oh hey, they're little bugs they do no wrong."

No.
They can eat people, you know. With their creepy little feelers, they touch all over you when you sleep. Enough of them could consume a person. Maybe not typical black ants. Nevermind, they probably could. I hate ants. My soup is done. Anyway, I saw a documentary on ants and they do eat big stuff.

Ants are scary.

Last night in ballet I stretched. Felt good. We had to do bar stretches which made me want to kill myself though. I did a really good grand jete, it wasnt full out,  I made it kind of diagonal. After three weeks, I have mastered my glissade coupe. I'm so proud.

Charlies at the other computer listening to something. I dominated at the 'i can be louder' game. Bizet's 'Overture'

ich bin das beste.

The Meigals came back from Florida today. They took Penny back (thank god) and paid me. I really wasnt expecting that, nor did I want it.
BUTTT now that I have it I'm going to buy a fish. I need a pet or something. Its like I'm craving one.

I really need to spend the rest of this weekend studying as much as possible and trying to get my grades up. I'm coming out of serious mode and going into summer. 14 more weeks of school. I totally thought it was less. I was actually really convinced it was less. Wow this sucks.

Prada and Marc Jacobs are taking this artsy turn. Their new shoes are fun to look at, but who would really wear them?
I did just see shoes by Yves Saint Laurent that I do like very much.

What the fuck?

I drove to school this morning with Megan Clemmons. Great girl. I'm so excited for her baby to come. I had a good time.

Today I realized that whenever someone at school talks about how much they are in loveeeeeeeeeee or about how they just got their new boyfriend, I just smile politely and give a little head nod. Then I think about how they're going to break up in a few days/weeks/hours. Relationships at this time seem like a waste really. Makes me think "How fucking old are you?"

Then I remember that I'm in that exact same situation.

I have wayyy too much work to do.

I just read all of my old online journals. Ha. These date back to almost 4 years ago. This is really embarrassing. I was so dissatisfied, and I didnt even have a reason to be. I was a selfish girl.

iTunes wont open and thats kind of making me mad. Just a little.

Since my room is clean, I want my pet rat now. Caitlin and I were thinking up names for him too. Camille Dangerfield or Bonethug.

So my pet rat can be as badass as I am. (:'()

I've been like AP ANATOMY AP ANATOMY AP ANATOMY AP ANATOMY BUT HOW?

I think I might take a nap. I've been sleeping bad lately. Really bad. I'm just usually half-asleep. I worry about school a lot more.
That really needs to come before anything else. But I cant seem to just move it ahead of some stuff.

 my cousin lauren and caitlin are staying over tonight.
I dont know if I'm so happy about that. I havent really been able to talk to Brian. Its weird how thats outshining everything else in my life.
I feel naggy. Maybe I need more to do so I'm not always available. I really feel pestiferous.


On top of everything elseee
my ballet instructor hates me.
like really loathes me
I am in so much pain right now, no one could even fathom. I can not walk.

I almost killed Lauren and my mother today. Great story (notreally) It is now 2:15am. Caitlin and Lauren, please shut the fuck up because its been a long day and I'm in pain. Oh thanks guys. Goodnight.

I tried to update this on rico at 7:10 this morning because I forgot to change my alarm time

two hour delay 8)
I still feel sleepy
OHHH WELLLL
I have the weekend to sleep a little.
I'm never ever good at writing this kind of stuff.

I talked to Brian last night till 12:30-1ish?
no idea.
it went so much better than expected and I'm feeling really good about everything. No more doubts or whatever.
It'll work out.

MY BIRTHDAY IS IN 5 DAYS

:OOOOOOOOOOOOO

theres someone in my kitchen

I dont have any other reason for not updating besides not being able to remember how many letters are in my username.

exams were last week and now they are this week because we missed 1 day of  school.
I have math and some vocat thing.
I like school.
The weather has been bad. Snowy. And cold.

I went shopping yesterday and I went over my minutes.

I got my little brother and I've been skipping out on seeing him. I feel bad. I will go see him this week though.

yawn
report cards
I have my kid
fall break
so sleepy
I have a test today and I studied in the library with amanda
SO MUCH FUNNNN

CAITLINS BIRTHDFAY IS TO DAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY





SO HAPPY
CANT WAIT FOR THIS WEKEKENDN SO HAPPY

caitlins birthday is next week
I'm going to top her card
seriously
we have this 'battle of the cards' thing going on.
hers last year was really good.
I was just planning on inviting her over so we could eat lots and lots and watch movies
I need to make this birthday special!

I'm so cold.
SO COLD I HATE COLD

:(

I feel really
empty sort of.

the unmotivated feelings coming back a little bit
I have a project on communism due tuesday
well
I actually dont know when its due.
I dont really care
I'll just get it done tonight or tomorrow morning.

I didnt stretch last night at all

my legs hurt so bad

I've been feeling really unmotivated
its 47 degrees outside

I dont do cold.
ever.
I hate fucking cold.
yesterday was a good day
I hope today will be the same
I didnt do half of my german homework because it was stupid and took too long.
I didnt do half of my math homework because it was stupid and I didnt understand it.
I didnt study for my english quiz today because I didnt have time to.
I didnt read my book and answer the questions because I didnt have time to
NO!
I did read!
I read the assigned reading from the night before.
because I didnt do it then
I have a 3.0
or maybe a little lower cause of my german grade
my fingers are going to fall off it is so cold.
friday night ballet!
so excited!

I was up late on the phone
:(
I was all I NEED TO GO
and he was all NAHHH

7:20 and I woke up to chris daughtry or whatever
for the 3rd time this year

I hate stupid first period
I'm supposed to  bring in world news
so its either face cancer on tasmanian devils or rebels killing gorillas.
I cant believe everyone else took the good stuff already.

I got a 4
on a worksheet
A 4 OUT OF 100!

I think I'm retarded
even though I just didnt know we were supposed to do it
tonight was homecoming
caitlin and I left early cause I wanted food.
davie will kill us
we put on this huge show about how we're gonna 'MURDER THE EAGLES"
I left and it was 28-9
I love my school, but that was sad.

I need new fish

GUESS WHO I SEE TODAY :D

I hate mornings
I really do

they make me so nervous and antsy.
I need to remember to write my german stuff during lunch
I made a sandwich.
I'm an awesome sandwich maker.

I went to the fair with Caitlin today
I am sick
I feel like I'm going to puke all over the place.
Hot? Right?
yeah, I know
hot
I feel so gross
I hope I feel better by tomorrow
my nerves plus this horrible nausea will not mix well.